Slow and Steady Wins the Race

‎"I will be patient in steadily working toward my goal, remembering that all good comes in time"


I am sitting here on my couch writing as I am watching "Eat, Pray, Love" and thinking about the aforementioned quote.  Today I was confronted with the reality of a fork in the road.  Without giving every boring detail, the jist of the story is that I was getting into a situation that was exciting and validating but not because I was ready and excited to move forward, but because it was the perfect distraction.  Everyone wants to feel needed, and attractive and that is what I was experiencing.  The problem is that I am dealing with some heavy things that are necessary, and frankly, exhausting.  Topics that are not able to be worked on while hiding behind another relationship or professional endeavor.

I wish you knew...

You perceive me as selfish, conceited and spilling self love

My swagger is confusing, and I don't fit like a glove.

You don't get me because Im not a copy of you

and the topics that make me tick make you desire a clue.

You sit back from your seat of comfort and safety

and judge how I live, who I love, and who I am frankly.

I appologize that you don't understand how I am made

and I have worked long and hard to achieve a good grade.

Not many people get it, and I don't know how to convey

that these things that I live with are really hard to say.

The way I show  myself to this world may to you seem odd

and you may even judge it as a front, charade, or facade.

These qualities are not the definition of true integrity

but I am just working on surviving and trying to be me.

I pray every day that you would open your eyes and see

that I am not as bad as you make me out to be.

If you only knew that my heart breaks in the evening

and that my heart cries when I get caught up in my singing.

That I am dealing with demons that haunt me day and night

and there is no one, no thing, and no help in sight.

The fights that I battle and the race that I run

is surely not done for the hell of it or for fun.

To live to my fullest is my passion and goal

and I will not give up and go down the rabbit hole.

I am working on my stuff and its not on your time

I wish you could see that what I do is not a crime.

I am fully aware that your perception is your reality

and it is clear that my life seems to be an abnormality.

I am human, fallible, sometimes insecure but strong

the road of humanity involves the desire to belong.

Don't worry because I don't put myself up too high

you don't have to bring me down so I don't touch the sky.

The way I present my life to the wide world abroad

is the way I wish I could be without being a fraud.

My goal is to emulate the qualities I convey

and to make you proud of me till your dying day.

Please come along side me and learn who I am 

without making quick judgments with a superficial scan.

I am so much more than a shallow masquerade 

and that is due to God's image by who I am made.