Betrayal and Grace

This is a post I wrote May 6, 2010 shortly after my divorce was final:


Betrayal is a word that many people are aquainted with unfortunately. 

You hear stories all the time of people who have been in committed relationships, were faithful, jumped through the hoops of an abusive spouse/partner, maybe supported them financially through - say - the pursuit of a degree. They sometimes give up all of their dreams and their wants, and even their health just to make the other person happy and feeling respected. 

The betrayal sometimes comes in two parts. Part 1: The abusive partner may leave you during your time of need, say a hospitalization or a low point in your life, and Part 2: They may decide before they leave you to cheat (physically or emotionally) with the person they end up with a day after the break up occurs. 

This betrayal penetrates every layer of the person who was betrayed and can sometimes turn the person into a "victim figure". I believe that it is appropriate for a while to embrace the "victimhood" that comes along with that position as it is the truth, they were a vicitm of someone elses selfishness. At some point though, we have to decide to move on and be a survivor. Realizing that God has everything in His control is key to understanding the age old phrase "you reap what you sow". A lot of people get stuck in the pain, and never emerge to see what is on the other side. 

I have found that the other side is SO beautiful. Sometimes on the other side, said person is able to learn new skills to deal with life and to stick up for themselves. They may experience a level of health that they have never had before, and the relationships that were ended due to the previous relationships may be rekindled...times 10. God can work in these peoples lives when they open their heart to true healing and can surrender the pain and know that what they are stepping into is new and scarey, but SO worth it! 

If I were in this person's shoes, I would say "This life is amazing. I have moved on, and have accepted the grief that comes with a failed relationship. I will never regret anything that happened, because I learned a lot and am a much stronger person for it. My faith is stronger than it ever was and I am a butterfly that has gone through hell in the cocoon and now is in full bloom. This is a life worth living." 
That is if I was in the situation, thats what I would say...if I were in it. 

To anyone who has loved and lost, know that you are not alone, and that there is strength in numbers. Your friends and family are angels that are sent to help heal your hurting heart. Take the time to heal, it is not an overnight process, and it is also not over when you think it is over. The great thing though, is that the more things you find to be greatful for, and the more you can think like a survivor, the better off you will be. Grace is so important, God gives it to you, your loved ones give it to you, and you need to learn to give yourself grace. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are totally worth it. 

You are loved