That Which Doesn't Kill Us....

Its just one of those days.  My dialogue is as follows:


"Look at the test scores!  You didn't do better than a C on any of the tests in the last week, you aren't working nearly hard enough on getting a 'beach ready' body, you are not doing your meal plan perfectly, you are probably annoying everyone around you, and you are weird just because you are having these thoughts.  You don't have time to be tired because there are other tests that you obviously need to start studying for right now and you need to get on top of the to-do list."


I am working on faking it till I make it right now.  I really want to break down and cry because my pants don't fit, and I didn't get the scores I wanted on the tests that I took in the last 2 weeks, and that I am frustrated with my body among many other things.  However as I type this, I realize that it is all so trivial.  These things are measures of my worth according to the world, but I know differently in my heart.  I am urged to study more, exercise more, be more in control, and do more.  This self talk is so very damaging.  I wouldn't expect perfection of anyone else around me let alone perfection in every area of life.  I need to be nicer to myself with more of a dialogue resembling:


"Wow, I took 4 tests, created and executed a great presentation on genetics, wrote a biology research paper, did my meal plan, went to all of my appointments, went on a couple of dates, exercised, and spent time with my family all in the last 7 days.  Today I am tired and that is so understandable.  I don't need to fix anything at this moment.  Right now, I need sleep, dinner, and down time."


The things that I want will come with time, and over thinking it will not get me anywhere.  I am worth it just because I am the only one of me.  I am choosing the self-care path today and will get the rest and nourishment that I need in order to choose self care again tomorrow instead of the maddening thinking that Mr. Anxiety assaults me with.  We all have a choice....focus on the question marks or the exclamation points....


I choose the exclamation points today!!!


<3