Lately I have been on the fast track in my spiritual journey. Historically I have experienced God as a manly man, arrogant AND loving, aloof AND concerned. Recently I have been rearranging my view of God and the role He plays in my life. There has always been this dialectic - that God was mean AND I was supposed to encourage other people to love Him. I respected my faith and knew that love was part of God's character, but I did not have any sense of mercy or grace. Not having a grasp on those two concepts makes it almost impossible to understand the width and the height of His Majesty and why He is so stinking amazing.
In the past couple of weeks I have run into some major financial need, a need so large that either I won the lottery to cover it, or would need God to sweep in and save the day. I started praying about this need and sounded something to the effect of "God, Im sorry Im alive, and I don't expect you to help me, but if you could I would greatly appreciate it". I came to His feet sheepishly and doubting that He would help me. I had no idea the context of our relationship, I didn't embrace the love that He had for me or how far that love extended.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Winds of Change
Who do you see when you look at me?
I mean when you actually gaze.
I know who it is that I want to be
but clear focus not often stays.
Immensely and suddenly my life has changed
in my heart I just want to belong
to be accepted and loved regardless of
whether or not I am deemed to be strong.
At times I believe I'm a fraud or a fake
because I get so sorely confused
and when people see that I'm not always firm
they think I deserve to be used.
Its not the truth, and no one deserves
to be victimized, hurt, or enslaved
and the more I work to live and to 'be'
I take one step out of the grave.
Whoever you think it is that you see
will sometimes and often change
but that is the slow process of growing up
to be tossed, turned and rearranged.
The only true constant thing in life
is change and the the result that it brings
but if not for the constant ebb and flow
only the slow and old songs we would sing.
If all people in the world remained the same
revolution and industry we'd lack
and the progress made in the last few years
would put human rights way back.
So when you look at me and think that I've changed
you are absolutely right
Just like the rest of the developing world
I'm flexible and abounding in might.
I may get frustrated and want it to stop
and for the winds of change to slow
but honestly if they did as I asked
I would not dawn this healthy glow.
Each day I chose change over staying in place
because I know a great life abounds
when we can let go of the past and keep trucking on
and listen to the winds gentle sounds.
<3
I mean when you actually gaze.
I know who it is that I want to be
but clear focus not often stays.
Immensely and suddenly my life has changed
in my heart I just want to belong
to be accepted and loved regardless of
whether or not I am deemed to be strong.
At times I believe I'm a fraud or a fake
because I get so sorely confused
and when people see that I'm not always firm
they think I deserve to be used.
Its not the truth, and no one deserves
to be victimized, hurt, or enslaved
and the more I work to live and to 'be'
I take one step out of the grave.
Whoever you think it is that you see
will sometimes and often change
but that is the slow process of growing up
to be tossed, turned and rearranged.
The only true constant thing in life
is change and the the result that it brings
but if not for the constant ebb and flow
only the slow and old songs we would sing.
If all people in the world remained the same
revolution and industry we'd lack
and the progress made in the last few years
would put human rights way back.
So when you look at me and think that I've changed
you are absolutely right
Just like the rest of the developing world
I'm flexible and abounding in might.
I may get frustrated and want it to stop
and for the winds of change to slow
but honestly if they did as I asked
I would not dawn this healthy glow.
Each day I chose change over staying in place
because I know a great life abounds
when we can let go of the past and keep trucking on
and listen to the winds gentle sounds.
<3
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