Wednesday, January 26, 2011

To bottle or not to bottle?

Lately I have been on a journey of authenticity.  I have found that I use optimism as a way to keep myself safe from questions regarding my feelings about past experiences.  It is also the fastest way to isolate myself and deceive people about my true nature.  I do not often admit that I am vulnerable and sometimes scared.  I also do not admit that I don't know how to handle everything and I am not doing a good job of holding the world on my shoulders.  

Friday, January 21, 2011

Food...yup thats

As many of you know, I have had a love-hate relationship with food my entire life....well....mainly hate.  I had an intense phobia of food and it controlled me for many 20 of them.  This is a topic all on its own, and another topic would be that my relationship with food was a 'cover-up issue' for other things I could not deal with....neither of these are included today in detail.  

What I am here to say is that I am loving food now.  I wonder if you ever sit down at a meal and taste your food, or if you are too busy talking, working, studying, or generally spacing out to even realize what you are doing? 

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Self Care...Pleasure or Pain?

I am the worst when it comes to self care.  I am working on it, however, it is a subject that is most commonly mentioned to me by loved ones (meaning it is still an issue).  I spent a good 6 months just trying to figure out what self care actually is.  What I found is a not so complex set of actions which result in the caring of one's self...don't you love the circular definition?  These actions can be as 'simple' as sleeping enough, and eating a myriad of foods with no rigidity, or it can scale all the way to seeing a doctor, having surgery, or climbing a mountain.  Self care is anything that you can do to nurture your mind, body, and spirit.  

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Dear Lie/Ed

I would like to introduce you to a man with whom I have had a 20 year relationship with.  He is an asshole.  These are some of the things that he says to me:

Friday, January 14, 2011

Trusting, Naive, or just Plain Stupid?

I have always been a very trusting and forgiving person, and I find that these are qualities that most people value and respect.  The only thing is that "most" people is not "all" people.  The scum that falls outside of "most" people are the urchins that take advantage of trusting and forgiving people. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Day to Celebrate!

Today, I am celebrating ONE YEAR of freedom!  Freedom from what you ask??

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Do I Please You?

People Pleasing:  The impossible act of attempting to read other people's mind in order to do exactly what they want to make their life better or make them happy.

I have spent my life attempting to please everyone around me for many reasons, but mainly so that I wouldn't ever be alone.  Now I could go into a tearful sob story about my family of origin and blah and blah blah blah.... I am not going to do that.  What I am going to say is that the effort to blindly please people is in vain.  It is 100% impossible to please the people around you!  You are not capable of controlling other people's emotions...including happiness.  No matter how hard you try, you will NEVER make someone feel something.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Ego...whats the big deal??

Alright, big topic tonight....the infamous, all consuming, glutton for judgement EGO.  It seems that no matter where we are in life, we are never quite good enough - our ego is either too small or too big (sounds a lot like the weight loss industry).  This obsession with acting, thinking, and speaking "right" has turned out a generation of people saying: "She is too into herself", or "He is so insecure", or "She is too confident", or "He just needs to love himself more."  Is it just me, or is there a gap here?  It seems to me that people are either too low on themselves, or we (in all of our glory) have the obligation to knock them down a peg if they get too confident. 

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Well Here We Are


Here I am, months after first thinking to create a blog.  I ran this idea past quite a few friends, and after praying about it, I decided to go ahead with the creation not only as an outlet for ideas and passions, but also as a place to publicly share my love of writing.  I was so blessed to hear that many people were interested in subscribing after reading some of my notes on Facebook, it is a true testament to how the written word can bring people together and spur fantastic discussion.